Breaking the Habit
by Owaranaimono Aite
Summary: Yugi is trying to rely on Yami for emotional support when all his other friends leave him alone for no explainable reason. But after Yami abandons him too, Yugi begins to reflect and look back, counting all the times he was alone, and makes a drastic dec


Hi all!!!!! I just needed a little break for those of you who are reading 'Going on With Pain'. Depression can be a wonderful thing or it can be a horrible thing. I write well when depressed, so this will be angst ridden and dipped in angst with a side of angsty romance. -.-  
  
Summary: Yugi is trying to rely on Yami for emotional support when all his other friends leave him alone for no explainable reason. But after Yami abandons him too, Yugi begins to reflect and look back, counting all the times he was alone, and makes a drastic decision that won't affect those that don't care for him.  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or the song Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, Death, Songfic, Angst, Romance  
  
Pairing: Yami/Yugi, Implied Seto/Yami  
  
Rating: R  
  
~ Song Lyrics ~  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
~ Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room {Unless I try to start again} ~  
  
Yugi let out a sigh as he gently shut his door and sank to his knees in front of it. His book bag was flung into a darkened corner, to be found again when he needed it. His head drooped silently onto his drawn up knees and he let the tears fall freely. Every one had abandoned him. Left him and all his thoughts and his shattered soul alone. Even his Yami had left him, and the whole reason that everyone had left him was nothing short of ludicrous. Emitting a small whimper of defeat, he lifted his face and delved it back inside his cupped hands.  
  
*~ Flashback ~*  
  
Yugi silently twirled open his locker and lifted the latch upwards. The door pulled open with a slight metallic clanging and settled against the wall. Reaching inside to take out his sneakers, he failed to notice the sealed white envelope that fell at his feet. Pulling his shoes on, his rifled through papers and books, determining that he needed nothing else. Suddenly, he became acutely aware of another person watching him.  
  
Taking a tentative step forward, he felt something crunch under his foot just as his eyes came to meet a pair of startling light blue eyes and a mop of messy brown hair. Jumping backwards, he slid on the envelope and fell flat onto his back. The envelope floated lazily downwards and settled gently onto his chest. Blinking in wonder, he tentatively reached for the envelope and pulled back the flap. The thinly folded piece of paper fluttered down and he picked it up and began to read it.  
  
Dear Yugi,  
  
You probably don't realize this, but I'm always watching you. I notice the small things you do, even when no one else does. I guess you can call me an admirer. But I've saved you. You don't remember it, but I've saved you once before. And you didn't notice. But I continue to watch over you, constantly monitoring your safety. But as much as I love you, we can't be together. It would be frowned upon, and I'm not one worthy of being loved. I'm a cruel and ruthless bastard, whom everyone hates. I have no friends, although I guess I can say you are a distant friend. But now I'm rambling and I'm sure you already know who I am. I can't love you even though I do love you. Please understand...  
  
Kaiba Seto  
  
Yugi glanced upwards into the blue eyes that had just been there. But they vanished. Slowly Yugi sat up and replaced the letter inside the envelope. Dusting the dirt off the back of his pants, he steadily made his way down the hall and down the stairs. Pausing by the clear doors, he gazed onto the school grounds thoughtfully when he spied Kaiba with the rest of his friends, minus Yami.  
  
Bursting through the doors at a sprint, he ran to where his friends were and placed his head between his knees, panting before trying to speak. Suddenly, he noticed that all the eyes in the group were glaring at him. Looking at Seto, he was horrified to see what looked like unshed tears in the corners of the CEO's eyes.  
  
"How could you do that to Seto?! He spilled his guts to you, and you just go and reject him like that!", Anzu screeched in a violent tone of voice. Honda, Jou and Bakura nodded in agreement.  
  
"But I didn't Anzu!! I just found the letter and read it. When I went to comment to Kaiba, he was gone! I didn't say anything!!! He said it himself that we couldn't be together anyways! He's trying to turn you all against me!", Yugi stuttered out, trying to defend himself with no avail.  
  
"Don't try to lie Yug. Kaiba showed us a copy of the letter. He never said no such thing.", Jou stated while flipping his bangs back with his hand.  
  
Yugi just stood there, hurt and betrayal etched upon his face. He'd lose his friends to Kaiba, for some reason unknown to him? But didn't they know him long before? Weren't they supposed to believe him? Before he could open his mouth to speak anything, the sounds of feet leaving snapped him out of his thoughts.  
  
*~ End Flashback ~*  
  
~ I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused ~  
  
Forcing back his tears at the horrid memory, he tried to calm his racing heart. Here he was all alone once again. Grandpa off at some convention in the States, and Yami... Well, he was Yami. He didn't need an excuse or reason to be where ever he was.  
  
He hated being alone. It always allowed too much time for him to think and contemplate where his life had left him. What could he do with himself now that he had no one to talk to. Either Honda or Anzu or Jou had even managed to give wind of his 'rejection' of Seto to Mai. And she of course sided with Seto, even though the last time he had heard, she hated his guts. But time changes people.  
  
Easing himself from his curled form, he trumped down the stairs into one of the cabinets in the kitchen. Popping the lid of a small bottle, he swallowed one of the pills before placing it back. Almost simultaneously after swallowing the pill, his level of depression began to ease considerably. The medication had been prescribed by a doctor, after his grades had begun to slip and his Grandpa had made a doctor's appointment.  
  
No one knew that he was on the medication, minus his doctor, the school nurse and his Grandpa. What would his friends say if they could see him now? Would they even care to see what a sniveling and pathetic creature he had become? Would anyone even want to talk to him? No, he amended to himself. He even figured that Yami would understand. But he hadn't, and all the spiteful words that Yami had spoken rang in a constant chorus inside his head.  
  
And would anyone miss him if he ever died? Would anyone even notice his absence? Shaking his head woefully, he began to recite a poem he had read in a magazine by a young girl. Whenever he felt like letting go of all he didn't have, he would think of the poem and back away drastically from that train of thought, pulling himself into the writer's world, where he felt that he was the one saying everything.  
  
When I wake from sleep,  
  
I wish with all my heart  
  
That I was still deep,  
  
In my sacramental world apart.  
  
Where I have no fears,  
  
no qualms, no inhibitions or pain  
  
A place with no need to shed tears  
  
Where happiness have not a need to gain.  
  
In my world, I am who I want to be  
  
I don't have to play up a facade of any kind  
  
I am myself, whatever emotion is me  
  
I don't have to control what is my mind.  
  
And so, every time I wake,  
  
I'll try not to in frustration scream  
  
Where eternally, my mind I'll take  
  
To my sacramental world, when I dream. (1)  
  
~ I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I know it's not alright So I'm Breaking the habit Breaking the habit Tonight ~  
  
*~ Flashback ~*  
  
Yugi trudged down the street in misery. After what had happened with Seto and his friends in the school yard, Yugi was desperate to find Yami and speak with him. Almost as if thinking had brought him, Yami was suddenly in front of Yugi, glaring at him.  
  
"Y-Yami? What's wrong?", Yugi asked carefully, knowing full well the power of the Yami's anger.  
  
Yami said nothing and just continued to stand there with no emotions flitting across his face. Gently, but firmly grasping Yugi's arm, Yami began to pull him off in a direction. Before Yugi could speak again, he found himself and Yami in a semi-dark alleyway.  
  
"Anzu and the others have already told me about the episode with Seto Kaiba that happened today. And I find myself with nothing to say. I am at a complete loss. I'd expected a lot more out of you than this.", Yami hissed quietly.  
  
Yugi froze, his mouth hanging open, ready to speak to try to defend himself. When once again, he was silenced. Then, Yugi's anger took full root at the front of his emotions. No one would hear his side or let him speak. He deserved full rights to try and state his side of the story. And as if Yami was reading his every thought, he spoke again.  
  
"I bet you're wondering why I'm saying these things, don't you? Why I'm defending your enemy and not listening to you, aren't you? Well Hikari, I'll tell you why. You had no right to hurt Seto like that. 5000 years ago, in my time, there was an ancestor of Seto there. And though forbidden, we engaged in typical teenage things, even though I was Pharaoh. And so now, years later, when I find his ancestor, he's emotional hurting because of something my other half did to him.", Yami spat out hurtfully, before vanishing back out the alley and down the street.  
  
*~ End Flashback ~*  
  
~ Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again ~  
  
Making a strangled noise in the back of his throat, Yugi swallowed hard, forcing tears and the rising bile for the flashbacks back down his throat. That afternoon, when Yami had told him all that, Yugi had just lost his mind. To know that all the people he knew were against him, and that his other half was doing nothing short of sleeping with the cause of this... It had just blew him out of the water.  
  
After that, Yugi had never quite reached a solid mental state. And just like then, now he sat rocking his entire body, breathing deeply, and trying to calm himself down.  
  
"It's ok Yugi... This is nothing but a really bad dream. And I'm going to wake up, be fine, not be taking any more medication, I'll just be back to being Yugi, with friends and a mystic puzzle that I can't control.", he spoke softly into the empty house.  
  
The spoken reassurances did little to sway his mind from the fact that he was in actual truth, awake and living his life day by day. And the day by day living was slowly killing him. Slowly and agonizingly murdering one of the Earth's children, with it's own twisted scheme.  
  
Distantly, the sound of the door opening snapped him from his thoughts. Blinking, Yugi struggled to focus on coherent thoughts enough to pull himself of the floor and into a chair. At the exact moment he sat, Yami stalked into the kitchen, glanced briefly at Yugi before bounding up the stairs, exuberance slowly passing out from his facade.  
  
Yugi shook his head one last time, sweeping remnants of his thoughts out of his mind and proceeding up the stairs, past Yami's open door. Chancing a glance inside, Yugi took careful notice of the millions of different vials. Every one full of a different colored liquid or powder or leaf. Before they had been fighting, Yami had been giving Yugi simple potion lessons, such as how to mix things to cure simple ailments like a stomachache.  
  
Walking into his room and laying on the bed dutifully, his nose wiggled quickly, trying to force out the herbal and medical smells. Then, the door slammed shut again and the house was silent once more. Yugi said nothing, just laid on his bed, thoughts swirling in his consciousness.  
  
~ I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused ~  
  
Yugi let out a snarl of misery as more flashbacks and painful ideas jumped back into his mind. Trying his best to force them out, he allowed himself to succumb to the land of sleep.  
  
*~ Dream Sequence ~*  
  
"You're nothing Yugi. No one wants you here. Just get lost.", Mai said hurtfully as she picked up her bag and began to walk away.  
  
Jou, Honda and Anzu sat around the fire, gaping. No one said anything, not correcting Mai or reassuring Yugi that Mai was wrong. Yugi just lowered his head and blinked profusely, trying to keep from crying. The others went back to eating their meals in silence.  
  
Then, the entire area blacked out and was hurtled into darkness. Not trying to latch onto a handhold, Yugi just let himself fall, before his feet hit the ground and the world began to lighten. The world then turned a softish purple background and Yugi was standing all alone.  
  
Turning in a full circle, Yugi found no one. Then, a soft rustle of the tree branches made Yugi's hair move gently. Then, Anzu appeared in front of him. Before he could speak or reach out for her, she vanished. Then, the sound of another voice made Yugi turn. Jou stood behind him, usual grin plastered on his face. But then he too vanished. Next Honda popped up. And again, he vanished. Then, Yami appeared. He stood in front of Yugi, hand outstretched. Yugi picked himself off the ground and began to run towards Yami.  
  
Just before his hand touched Yami, he vanished in a trickle of small blinking lights. Falling to his knees, Yugi wrapped his arms around himself and began to cry.  
  
*~ End Dream Sequence ~*  
  
~ I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm  
Breaking the habit  
I'm  
Breaking the habit  
Tonight ~  
  
Yugi flew upwards, drenched in a cold sweat. Then, his dream began to flood back to him. And the symbolic meaning was not lost on him.  
  
At different points in time, he had made each of his friends. And so in the dream, each of them had appeared in the order he had made them. Then, one by one they had left him. And so, he had been alone in his dream, just as alone as he was now.  
  
Rising from his bed slowly, Yugi walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water onto his face. Shaking his face to remove the excess water, he focused on his face. Blood shot eyes, abnormally pale skin and dark bags under his eyes. He looked like hell warmed over.  
  
Then, as Yugi stood there, water dripping onto the cold tile floor, the ambiguous meaning of his dream became extremely clear. Slinking out of the bathroom, he noticed the absence of Yami's little noises that he made. Once again, all alone with no one to care.  
  
Easing open Yami's door, Yugi slunk inside and began to scan the vials lining the room with careful precision. Eyeing one set of shelves, he slowed his inspections down, looking for a certain vile. Then, he spotted it!  
  
Gingerly reaching up and grabbing the glass jar, he pulled it to him and gently shook the pale white liquid. Returning back onto his full instep, he slowly began to back out of Yami's room. Returning to his room, he clicked it shut and began to debate on locking it. Deciding against it, he left it slightly ajar and sat down at his desk.  
  
~ I'll paint it on the walls  
'Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends ~  
  
Yugi gently set his pen down on his desk and let his eyes flicker over the letter he had written. Picking it up gently, he began to read it over.  
  
To whoever finds my letter;  
  
I don't know why you all left me alone like you did. I don't know why you sided with Seto. You all know that I'm not that cold hearted. But why did you do it? What did I do to deserve to be hurt? None of you can answer these questions. By the time they're asked, I'll be rid of this hell called my life and I'll be staring up or down at you from my eternal resting place. And if it's hell, and you join me, I'll make sure to torture you for eternity!  
  
Well, I never did hurt Seto Kaiba. All I did was read his letter. And if you don't believe me, his letter will be with mine. You all abandoned me and now the tables are turning. I am abandoning you. But I don't think that any of you will even miss me, so what is the point? What is the point in me writing my letter? What do I get out of it? I get nothing but a one way trip out of my life, where I'll finally be happy. May you all rot in the depths of hell for what you did to me.  
  
Yugi  
  
Nodding his head in agreement, he folded the letter in half and laid it on his desk. Pulling Seto's letter out of a drawer, Yugi placed them together, side by side. Then his attention turned to the vial of liquid. Swirling the mixture one last time, he took a moment to admire the shape of the vial. A budding flower, the base of it partly open, with a diamond shaped crystal stopper.  
  
Pulling the stopper out of the bottle, he took a deep breath and raised it to his lips. The scent of the liquid began to infiltrate his nostrils and Yugi forced himself to not gag form the smell. Taking a quick breath, he tilted his head back and poured the liquid down his throat. Choking as the first drops hit the back of his throat, he gagged and continued to swallow.  
  
Then, the liquid hit his stomach and he felt his entire body burn like it was tossed on the fires of hell. His muscles began to spasm and his head tilted backwards. His body pitched forward, landing with a thunk on his desk. With a final spasm, his mouth began to leak a foamy white substance before he stopped moving, stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating.  
  
Yami entered the house and his nose immediately honed in on the scent of a mixture. Pounding up the stairs and into his room, he scanned the bottles looking for something amiss. Then, he noticed a small gap in one section of the vials. The section full of mixtures designed to kill instantly once swallowed. Feeling his heart go cold, Yami turned and spun and bolted out of his room.  
  
Bursting past the open door, Yami's hand flew to his face, covering his mouth to stop the vomit rising in his throat. There lay Yugi on his desk, foam rising from his mouth, small crystal stopper and bottle in hand. On the desk next to him lay two folded pieces of paper.  
  
Picking up the first one, he began to read and felt his body numb. Seto had lied to them all............ Then, proceeding to the next letter, his heart slowed to almost nothing. It was his fault. And his friends fault that Yugi had left the world. It was all there fault that Yugi had gone into Yami's room, taken a vial of poison and killed himself with a small mixture designed to kill rats. Cyanide had taken Yugi's life, because he knew it would and because he wanted it to.  
  
~ I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm  
Breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight ~  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well how that? I know its kinda out of the ballpark with how Yugi died and such, but you need to admit, it is a little original.  
  
(1) This poem is actually one that I've written myself. No it hasn't been in a magazine; yes I am a girl. I just thought that it would be kind of a good thing to put in there. It's called When I Dream. I thought it fit, because it seems like sleep is one of the few places that Yugi can go to escape, but eventually that doesn't work either. So that world could be anywhere for him.  
  
So how'd I do? Please review!!!!! 


End file.
